Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
