I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
