I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
