Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
