Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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