K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just sent this text using only my big toe
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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