eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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