she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
