He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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