this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
