Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
