I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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