guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just want nice things and good sex
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
