I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
