come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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