wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This show inspires me to have sex in space
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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