Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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