My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
