True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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