Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
