I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
