forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
