i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
