does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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