you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
