you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
