I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
