Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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