I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
