This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
