I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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