Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
