I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
