Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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