god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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