i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
