You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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