8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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