my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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