His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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