Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need moral support for this bender
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
