there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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