they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
