This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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