I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
