I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
love makes seman taste better
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
