How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
