You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We are all done wearing pants today
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
