I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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