I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
there is glitter all over my balls
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
