Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Randomize
