Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
