Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The air was thick with penises
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
